ME being ME

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I hate January. Hate it a lot. I'm very stress now. Stress in a way that I don't know how to explain, how to describe. A lot of things flood to my mind, no, I can't control it. Stop giving me unwanted and necessary advices like telling me 'not to think' or think about happy stuffs where there isn't much happy stuffs to surpass the negatives.

Exactly in a month's time, I would be out of poly. Perhaps, won't be a student, or perhaps will go University. With such atrocious GPA of mine, I hope I still have a chance to go into Uni and make it big. Whatever things that I'm doing now is for my parents, not for myself though. Whatever that I'm interested in, isn't available in SG. I'm not that sort of person who will venture overseas for degrees or work, it is just plain retarded. I'm living in SG, not some 3rd world country, if others can juggle their life well here, I don't see a need that why I need to be a wimp and venture out to study thing where it is available in SG.

And I have to think about, what will I do when I can't get into local U. URGHS.

There isn't much leisure and relaxation spots in SG. Even if there is, it need $$$. How human civilisation screwed things up.

But too bad, I can't rest for a year like what others planned to do. I can't afford it. It is a rat race society here. Although I really want to pause for a moment. Been studying since 1994, it is very tiring. But, I've not finish the life yet, need to get it into a beautiful stop.

Other than those, I don't think my social circles are helping me. Most are being bitch and if you don't say, I also know that you are just protecting your own ass. Friends? WTS, oh please.
I don't see a need why am I here contributing to you and you didn't repay back.
Sorry, I'm not a saint, I ASK FOR REPAYMENT.
Some are such a darling, SOME, ONLY SOME, like less than 10. Majority of mine sucks to the core. But how? Who can I blame? Blame myself then.

You guys can say that I'm stubborn and shit. But the problem is, you guys are not sensitive enough to think for other people but keep pointing at others. Some things don't need to say, did you know Im a silent worker?

How come I can know EVERY SINGLE THING and even your little habits whereas you knew none of mine?

I think that I've credited my life too much to other people that I forget to live for myself. But the journey has already started, its too late.