Especially mine.
Been wanting to rely on someone for so long. Time passes, many ideal candidates came and gone.
I'm sick and tired of being played already.
The first time when I had enough courage to confess to someone, he lied saying that he wished to be single. And yet, 5 days later he went back to his ex.
The second time when I really forgotten the first, and brave enough to pursuit my 'happiness', he lied saying that he is single where he actually been attached for long.
The third time, where I stopped finding guys and this dude came along. End up, he was on the verge of breaking up with his gf and used me as a sparetyre. In the end, gave me an excuse saying that I'm very much like his gf, and he went off with another young lady.
The fourth time, where I've thought that this would be the one, he came and I fell in love too. Thought that everything went on smoothly and who knows that he is has a baggage with him. Told me that he can't forget his 1st and he too, left me behind.
Here and there came along guys that said they liked me. In the end? One by one starts to leave me, lied to me, used me.
I'm seriously tired of being used, being cheated.
You might be thinking that hey, at least you still kept your first love empty.
But seriously, what's the use of being a relationship virgin at this age? Would guys really cherish it? No.
You might ask too, why do I need a man... Yes, I can survive very well on my own. Been doing that since the day I met with this harsh society.
But somehow, I just need reliance. I need to feel wanted.
Time after time, I've been picked up and to be known that I'll be smashed against the wall of reality. It's tiring.
That is why now, I'm sincerely afraid of entrusting my feelings to anyone. I believe he, the one who wants it, worth it would try any means to get me.
Just that the wait is too long. fuck this shit.
